A woman in a search…

The Metamorphosis

Maybe you can recognize yourself in the “I” but the “I” should stay a mystery for the both of us.

Who is this person I am looking at in the mirror? The most cliche questions of all I guess. Every other movie you´v ever seen starts with the same picture. The main protagonist looking at him self in a mirror and wondering who the person staring back at her is.

It seems so simple. The answer should be obvious. But it definitely is not. It puzzles me, torments me and at the same time gives me pleasure at knowing that I, myself, do not have the answer to it. The more I look at it the less I know. But do I really have to know. Is there really a simple exact answer?

One day I am staring back at two hopeless bottomless dark matter holes that suck me into a despair without a return trip ticket. Seemingly at least… On another day kindness resonates to me through a sweet smile that forgives all of it´s past mistakes and makes it possible for another day of joy and another exciting journey to come. What if this old lady that i once saw in the mirror tried to tell me that defining her, the reflection, was meaningless but I was to young to understand. That collecting labels and definitions to build a clear image of something that will satisfy others needs of fitting me in to a right compartment in their box orientated minds and providing them of safety that because they know my definitions they know who I am and how they are supposed to treat me, will only set me further away from my real, true, raw and unfiltered existence.

The patterns of behavior do not define who I am. As the day transforms into night and back to day again. As every cell in my body changes from one minute to another I can change too. Each minute I have a potential to be a different existence and each day gives me a different kind of presence. I am not bound by the myths and definitions of the surroundings I am finding myself in. Neither by the genetics and biology for that matter. The fact that I sometimes do not recognize the person I see in the mirror only gives me the confirmation how beautifully flexible and changeable my existence is and instead of worrying about what image do I want to project to the world I should embrace the constant of change and be curious about who I´m gonna meet the next time I look at the mirror.

“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.” F. Kafka



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A woman in a search of a word

A woman in a search of a word

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“She is the wanderer,bum,émigré,refugee,deportee,rambler, strolling player.Sometimes she would like to be a settler,but curiosity,grief, disaffection forbid it”